by Persian of blood, British from birth. A dual citizen who visited Iran every year of her life still lived there until recently. I would not change my legacy for the world, but I would lie if I said that it would not have caused a few problems when it comes to traveling.
It is a strange thing to be effective from three of the most fascinating countries in the world – without ever having broken a single rule. As a British-Iranian journalist, I found myself … less than welcome, we should say in Iran, Israel and the USA. I am caught in a complicated network of international politics and pass technology and was forced to forego opportunities and miss moments that are important.
I remember that in the early days of my career – long before the last events – I had offered a press trip to Israel and told my father the exciting news. He closed it almost immediately. “If you go, you may never return to Iran,” he warned. At that time I could not believe that the two rule out each other. I had hoped to visit Israel and Palestine with open eyes to experience the first -hand people and cultures. But this door was closed before it ever opened.
The irony? Iran is now effective from the table. I was not officially banned, but as a journalist, the risks of a misunderstanding at the border are only too real. My parents’ growing concern for my return is probably justified, no matter how frustrating it is.
And then there are the USA. In 2016 I received an e -mail in which I informed that my ESTA – the Visa conference exemption had been revoked by British travelers for granted. No explanation, just a blunt notification that I would now apply for for a full tourist visa. The reason? A comprehensive policy that affects everyone who has traveled to Iranian citizenship or has traveled to certain countries since 2011. Iran, Iraq, Syria and the Sudan were at that time – and since then the list has been added.
I know what you think: just give up Iranian citizenship. But it is easier said than done – and not something I want to do. My Iranian passport can have expired, but keeps that he or even the national ID card holds on to my roots. In the country in which my parents were born in which my grandparents are buried and where so many of my relatives still live.
The contolation of this citizenship is more than a legal technology – it is a deeply personal connection to my culture, my language and my family. When I grew up, I didn’t always appreciate this annual visits, but I now see them as some of the most important experiences of my life.
And I am anything but alone. Thousands of dual state members, including friends and colleagues, are in a similar floating. Holding on this second pass is an opportunity for many of us to preserve our identity. But it comes with luggage: additional testing to limits, bureaucratic hurdles and in my case a growing list of no-go zones.
I lost the number of frequency with which someone said to me: “Just apply for an ESTA!” As if I hadn’t thought of it. To be excluded from a country, based on its legacy, is frustrating enough, and it is frustrating enough, and with empty views or misguided advice is hit when you try to explain why only an insult to the injury gives.
I was lucky in a way. After graduation, I managed to travel through the USA-a three-month road trip on the coast to coast, which I will never forget. I returned in New York for New York this winter. At that time I was torn between the United States and the backpack through Southeast Asia. Now I am glad that I chose America – because this window has long been closed.
However, I have had itching again lately. There are places that I would like to visit again, friends I miss, and cities that I have not yet explored. But it’s not easy. Getting a US visa is not impossible, but appointments are secured and processing may take months. Maybe I could get one for 2026 – if I’m lucky. Even then there is a risk that they will be pulled aside at customs. It is an exhausting process to go through every time you want to travel.
I’ve already missed so much. I can’t see the Savannah bananas play (yes, really – look at them on Instagram). I had to reject working trips, missed invitations from friends, and soon I will miss the wedding of a close family friend in New York. None of my immediate family can go. My mother wanted to celebrate her 70th birthday in California next year. I told her that she should maintain her fitness routine and take her vitamins with us – we may have to delay this milestone.
As for Iran, I haven’t seen some of my relatives for a decade. When a series of aunts and uncles was able to visit Visa in Canada, my sister and I flew out to meet them there. I am so grateful that we did it.
It is bitter sweet to look travelers on Instagram and Tikok to Iran and to share the beauty of the country that I know so well – his hospitality, its landscapes, its culture. I feel envy every time.
Because while the world feels more than ever, people like me remain quiet, frustrating and in between.
